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6/12/77 - always

Seven days , not so Good Friday, The morning of the beginning of Passover ...   my  world stopped.   Someone who entered my life in 1977 rather abruptly left as fast.  

always and all ways ~  RMJ  7/21/60 -  4/6/12      

Ask me not to leave you, or to return from
following you. For where you go, I will go.
Where you lodge, I will lodge.
Your people shall be my people and your God,
my God. Where you die, I will die and there will I be buried. May the Lord do so to me,
and even more, If anything but death,
part you from me
Ruth 1. 16-17

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will this be another hitler ?

Osama bin Laden dead, buried at sea. Osama has been reported dead
previously . Zombies among us ?

On April 30 1945 Adolf Hitler and his wife Eva (Braun) committed
suicide. The death made public on May 01 , 1945
The death of Osama bin Laden is made public May 01 , 2011

the skull fragment supposedly proving hitlers death years later when
tested showed to be that of a female 33-40 years age.

Although it is said that Hitler only had one testicle that doesn't
make him female , This skull fragment was dug up near the bunker
and hidden.
Later the hitlers where supposedly dug up , cremated and their ashes
scattered in the river. The bodies had already been burned by
petrol .....To this day there are still those who question the
identity of the bodies found dead in the bunker

Personally i think the head on a stake would have been more
fitting . Happy Monday !!!!

Running to get no where ......

The car goes speeding by only to be sitting next to you at the stop
light . The wheels squeal the little strip of rubber remains on the
road and as you get to the next light ~ and hear the sirens
coming from a direction you aren't quite sure of you look to the
right and notice the car that just passed you and another that is now
around a utility pole and the side drivers side dented in .

People rushing to get no where fast.

Kids thinking they are all that and more with their hot rod 4
cylinder pieces of fiberglass and aluminum .

Children having sex to prove they are grown up . Children having
children to prove they are adults . Babies suffering and falling into
the system. Some slipping between the cracks.
Child protection gets calls about mama for 10 years ~ for 10 years
they do nothing
The baby grows up going from shelter to shelter , living off family ,
living off friends.
Then the friends go away . Mama gets her next fix of meth and goes
back to jail and the child is shuffled off to
someone ...else ......again.
Everyone rushing by , no one looking at what is happening.

Adults doing drugs to prove they are still young Children doing
drugs to prove they are mature and able to handle it .
The doctors are writing prescriptions in hope to cure the world or
maybe to get a kickback on the newest drug .
Pharmacists fill them without knowing that the person who paid won't
take one of those pills but sell them on the corner to someone else.
People rushing by and not bothering to see that the pain they feel
could be cured by a hug ~
people not stopping to see that the smile they didn't give is one
they didn't get .

Hurry here , Rush there , no time to stop , no time to breath . No
time to smile or time to see. No time for love no time for grief.

Stop , Breath, Breath again . It will all be there tomorrow.

why do we close our eyes when we pray, when we cry, when we kiss, when we dream?

Because the most beautiful things in life are not seen but felt only by heart..

the heart can never be broken ~

I will say he had broken my heart , my heart has been broken, , i
will never love again. Then there is the obsession on what could i
have done differently, if i had only been thinner, prettier, been a
better cook . The heart doesn't break by emotions and unless it's a
cancer or medical it is indestructible . It is not that your heart
stops feeling but becomes more vulnerable , it feels everything !
Your friend looses their job, you feel sorry for them. You feel as
badly as if it had happened to you . The words to a song you've
heard hundreds of times all of the sudden become your song , so
descriptive of how you feel.

That you are feeling is proof that your heart is not broken. The way
to heal the loss of love is to give more . !! Adopt a puppy ,
visit a nursing home, plant a tree, walk in the park and just feel
nature . Love does go on.

if only

This morning I received a text from a friend ~ her third marriage
ended like the other two .. if only

How many times does one say , if only , as if it where just one thing
that would have changed everything.
If only I hadn't said ......
then no one would have known how you felt
You would have kept the feelings inside forever
You would have always wondered " what if"

If only we had ...
If we had gotten married, had children, separated sooner
I would have been happier ? i would have had less regrets, I would
have met my real love.
What if is what you choose it to be.
do not dwell on the past, look forward to the
future .

One of my favorite quotes :
Never yield to remorse, but at once tell yourself: remorse would
simply mean adding to the first act of stupidity a second.~~ Nietzsche

the GIFT

" Love is always bestowed as a gift-
freely, willingly, and without expectation...


One day I may understand people. Perhaps one day I'll understand myself.
Is there only one always love? Does love actually exist or is it the illussion of being in love that causes the heart to soar ? When the illussion is gone does it take with it the spirit ? Maybe it's best to just raise puppies .

Another New Year

Is this another opportunity to start over ? or just a different type of New Year ? Samhain is the night the spirits visit more freely as the veil between the worlds is thinest.January first it's just pass the spirits !!!!! Spread some cheer and put away the good feelings and sharing of the yule time season along with the decorations from the Christmas tree . I prefer not to try and understand anymore the reasoning of Christmas when it ends so quickly and what is left is the bills and credit card payments the good will forgotten .

all things cherished

Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies."--Aristotle

Time has taught me that one can live with only half a heart. They do
not necessarily live well, nor do they live happily but the essence
of life continues.
That upon joining of the two halves distance, time , events no longer
matter. All the wounds real or imagined fade , the joys magnified ,
contentment known.

2 weeks into a new year ~ Blessed Samhain

started off the new year with a beautiful full moon , wonderful weather with just the lightest breeze and stars as far as the eye can see. I have been terribly lazy and blogs are not nearly as effective for ranting as a NJ transplant with an attitude the size of Texas and a pen, a phone and leather pants and 4" heels ~!!!

So maybe I'll get better, perhaps the blog will fade into a memory in my list of bookmarks . Perhaps rather than a rant, it will be place to post blessings ~ tributes to people who have and will always be part of me . Time will tell ~

some people are like slinky's not good for anything but still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs !!!

No English -No Licence -

In the effort to be politically correct , the drivers license is offered in multiple languages . How convenient for the non english speaking driver who rams the front end of your car and while you are trying to get a drivers license number and insurance card they ramble something that sounds like blah blah blah ..blah blah blah and act as though they are going to their glove compartment. Next they are driving away like a bat out of hell while you wait for the police to arrive . Can you tell me his name .. yeah it was blah blah blah , he didn't or refused to speak English . Did you get his drivers license number .... um .....well no because he took off after mumbling something that was neither English , german , or pig latin , the three languages I understand.it's a Blue car with a big dent in the front now .

Why have to question if they speak English or not . Make it mandatory . Driving is not a right. Look at all the gas that would become available if every illegal alien or non English speaking driver where removed from the road. The insurance rates would drop as well.

~ all legal documents should be available in one language ~ American English ~ if they can't understand the welfare form in English there is yet another savings for your tax dollars. Put the translators to work teaching English

The seven faces of intention : creativity , kindness, love, beauty , expansion, abundance, and peaceful receptivity

creativity ~ to find pleasure in the mundane
kindness~ practiced indiscriminately
love~given without conditions, accepted with grace
beauty~is not seen with the eye but felt by the soul
expansion~ never stop evolving to a more perfect You
abundance~appreciation of all one has
peaceful receptivity ~ be humble to the task

No Respect

"With my wife, I don't get no respect. The other night there was a knock on the front door and my wife told me to hide in the closet ." Rodney Dangerfield


Every time I think I have seen it all or heard it all, the world provides me with some new act to amuse, annoy,aggravate or be apathetic towards.

Secrets are only safe when they are never shared. Secrets made between two become a confidence . Secrets kept from friends are a deception. Acts of intentional deception are a lie. There is no pretty way to say it, no amount of justification to make it right.

Too often secrets are ways of avoiding truths for the keeper and the owner. The keeper of the secret will claim to have been loyal, yet the loyalty ends when the owners reliability or sincerity becomes questionable. This can be a day later, a week later or months later . Others who had information on the owner of the secret are accused of being deceptive, why? because the questions where not asked .

How many others hear , "i have never told this to anyone else" , "i would die if anyone knew", "it would cause problems or harm if s/he finds out"
If it's a confidence ,guard it as the treasure it is . Secrets tend to come out
sort of like roaches , plentiful, filthy little animals with absolutely no value or use. The truth may hurt for a while, a lie may never heal .

Talking at or speaking to

Lover's don't finally meet somewhere, they are in each other all along " ~Rumi

As a society people pass each other daily, and make judgements based on what they see. This is not mean, or cruel it is simply one of the first methods of attraction. A women who takes the time to bathe, make sure her hair is brushed and styled and her clothes are clean and neat will be attractive to someone. A man who trims his facial hair, is bathed, and has his clothes clean will attract someone. It's not the perfect figure or the incredible muscles that keeps a relationship past a few minutes of weather chat. It is what shines from within a person that makes them continuously appealing and interesting .

I fully believe in beshert or a soul mate , that for each person there is the one created for them. Some people are able to find theirs early in life and spend many years together, others rush so hard to find someone that they will just settle for less , some search and never find theirs for what ever reason . The One is there though, and it may have been the person you refused to give the time of day to because they didn't dress as you thought they should, or didn't speak with the right accent, or perhaps the color of their skin is different than yours.

No matter what belief a person has on how humanity came into being , we are all human (okay some are knuckle draggin low brows .) but we are all human, we have similar cell structure, biologically function the same and breathe the same air . Take a moment to practice humanity , speak kindly to another, smile even if you feel though your heart is breaking . You never know that the moment you took to speak to someone rather than just talking at them, may be the One who has existed within you all along .

the "L" word

“It is natural for man to indulge in the illusions of hope. We are apt to shut our eyes against a painful truth, and listen to the song of that siren till she transforms us into beasts... For my part, whatever anguish of spirit it may cost, I am willing to know the whole truth, to know the worst, and to provide for it.” patrick henry

Love is a sacred word for One who is honored, cherished, respected, and cared for. So often it is thrown out randomly with no thought of how another may feel of the word. That the meaning would be taken to heart, that it is a mutual sign of deep admiration and caring .

I love my children, my pets, my garden,
I love ben and jerrys chocolate fudge ice cream, i love walks on the beach, i love thunder storms.

If i tell a person I love them, it is because I will be there to help them bury the body , i will speak to them when we have difficulties, I will be there, now , next week , next month , always and all ways. I will not change or disconnect my phone number, i may not answer it immediately but I seldom do . I will not block your email, I won't lie to you .

For those who use the word as commonly as the word water , stop a few minutes and think of the effect you may have on another . Your declaration is a commitment be prepared to honor it.

thief of hearts ~

Had mine eyes been open when first we met
I would had seen through your disguise.
Thy words are those no longer spoke by men.
found only on pages now faded and yellowed with time
Yet words as smooth as the finest silk
would not allow you to forever hide.

I see Thee now , as many have seen Thee before
So subtly You enter causing the victim of your deception
to open their heart and soul to You .
The mind, the body and spirit become your playground ~
By doing so they stand naked before you...

There is an unwritten rule that everyone should post poetry ,no matter how bad. I am not excluded from this and have scribblings on many small pieces of paper, index cards , the back of a napkin. These small swatches are my confidant , my psychiatrist and my way of clearing away negative thoughts and reaching for the positive . Often the writing goes unfinished as what could become bitterness leaves and the sharp point of the knife withdraws . In order to go forward it is necessary to let go of the past harms and heartaches and to dream of things that bring a smile to your lips as well as your heart ~

the truth may hurt for a moment

The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt. ~Thomas Merton

Since everything worth saying has already been said, many times with more eloquence and tact than I personally convey, thank you Mr Merton .

Sometimes it takes a girls night out to set priorities and to re evaluate what is important. If its coffee at the table or 3 phones , 2 coffee pots (one traitor drinks instant ) and three ash trays that need to be emptied because they are over flowing with the recent pain, sorrows, tears, and frustrations of the daily grind , or fonts screaming across a screen. It's not the how, but the who.

In the search for friendship and love of the opposite sex the ones who are always there sometimes are forgotten. They sit back, waiting patiently for you to come back to your senses, they are the ones who are going to dry tears, offer a shoulder if you need one, and will move aside and let you push the button on the wood chipper .

In the search for love, sometimes the light is so strong that it is blinding n. Then one must step back into the shadows to clearly see not everyone is what they appear to be. More often they aren't what we want them to be. If each time someone was hurt by another who did not meet their expectations or hopes they stopped reaching out , the world would be a very cold place. It is the continued risk that allows growth, it is the pain that allows one to understand joy, it is when suffering is embraced that it can become healing. By understanding that the small things are lessons for when the something bigger comes along and there is no good or bad, only energy, it is then possible to use the energy in a positive way .

The answer is not always in the light.... Sometimes one must walk in the shadows to find them